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Joined: January 5, 2005
Posts: 970
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Posted: Post subject: When do you tell? |
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Please share your thoughts on when the topic of HIV status should come up.
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(deleted)
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Posted: Post subject: |
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`I think it is good to tell when you are meeting a person and getting to know them before anything goes further. But if you decide not to tell at that moment it is a good idea to say before you become intimate with that person. Some just use protection and not say anything but personally I do not even know what to think of that action. If the person is only a friend, it depends if its going to be a longterm friendship or shorterm, it depends how close you are to the person, and the reasons you want them to know and etc.
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sunjin
 sunjin
Joined: February 14, 2008
Posts: 6
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Posted: Post subject: |
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`do I think you should just tell any.. no I don't in most cases people plane and simple just don't need to know. it don't change who you are .... in todays world its a shame to say but most people are so wraped up in fear of the unknown to see you for who you really are..but if you decide to have --- with someone it is you duty to tell them your taking someones life in your hands and you don't have the right to do that. some people on thist site know what im talking about because it was done to them..
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goldmethod
 goldmethod
Joined: March 22, 2008
Posts: 0
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Posted: Post subject: |
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.37 yrs old, poz since 2001, healthy and happy. I smile easily, and like to laugh and see you laugh too. I like a variety of food and have other varied interests. |
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(deleted)
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Posted: Post subject: The Million Dollar Question.... |
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[quote="sunjin"]`do I think you should just tell any.. no I don't in most cases people plane and simple just don't need to know. it don't change who you are .... in todays world its a shame to say but most people are so wraped up in fear of the unknown to see you for who you really are..but if you decide to have --- with someone it is you duty to tell them your taking someones life in your hands and you don't have the right to do that. some people on thist site know what im talking about because it was done to them..
I agree with Sunjin with regard to keeping 'mum' about your status with people in general. We live in a society that's hypersensitive to seemingly everything, and trying to share something this personal and sensitive is bound to meet with as many shocked and aghast reactions as there are people.
When considering someone to date however, the rules change in my opinion. Living with a positive status is difficult enough; do you really want to heighten the pain of withholding this information while in the dating arena? Being forthright is always the best policy here. The principle reason many of us shy away from telling--as well as daring to date and possibly love again--is the fear of immediate rejection. Completely understandable, given many of us struggle with this sense of hidden shame and miniscule self worth as result of our status. It's a heavy cross to bare.
But consider this. If someone expresses an interest in you (dating), and professes to have fond feelings for you as well, he/she is taking a risk in sharing their feelings, too...feelings that may or may not be reciprocated in kind. Consciously or not, we know this. You face the very same reality--they may not be able to handle your health issue, and will want to move on. How you handle the rejection becomes the big issue then, not you and your status! And though you might feel dejected, and your heart broken, remember that the pain will not last forever. Sooner or later, you will find someone that accepts you for you--and you'll have gained considerable strength by standing up and putting yourself out there with your admission of your health challenge when it comes to a potential love interest. You don't want a shallow 'you-must-be-perfect' type in your life anyway--you want someone who loves most everything about you! So tell--and pray for the best outcome. Remember, rejection hurts...but so does living a lie.
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(deleted)
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Posted: Post subject: |
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`I don't hide anything from anyone. There have been times when this blatant disclosure has led to questioning, but that's about it. I am happier and feel more accepted when I am honest with those whom I interract with. Naturally, there are times and people with whom some details of your life are not important. This is where a good sense of ---------- is valuable.
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jmbe73
 jmbe73
Joined: August 21, 2008
Posts: 2
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Posted: Post subject: |
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.honesty had never been hurtful to anyone it's a weapon of relieve and peace. But lies telling is a pain to the heart and will always hinder you in one way or another. So it's always go to be honest and truthful, that's my own opinion. |
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fullonjohn
 fullonjohn
Joined: October 4, 2007
Posts: 3
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Posted: Post subject: |
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`I'm very open about my status. I do a lot of speaking on HIV prevention for my job and I always include my story. In my personal life, I generally disclose to any woman that I start to feel something for, before anything really happens. I know there is another school of thought to wait until they get to know you first, but I'd rather know up front if someone will accept it or not.
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(deleted)
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Posted: Post subject: |
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.i need hugs |
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judee
 judee
Joined: January 22, 2012
Posts: 4
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Posted: Post subject: |
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`If a gentleman is interested in me and we start talking and "clicking", it is easier to tell that person right up front. That way, the hurt is less than telling that person days or weeks into it.
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pozcruise
 pozcruise
Joined: January 26, 2012
Posts: 4
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Posted: Post subject: |
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`yes, a good question, I see a lot of people that say they wait, but I think its not fair to the other person, I think trust is very important and when you start to date someone and you wait, until you "think" its time to be intimate that is not the way to go about, disclosing.
but thats just me, I think that is one reason why I am looking for someone that is also poz, the disclosure thing is not an issue, I know there has to be a lot of us out there that feel a little alone sometimes, and even isolated, there is more than just a stigma there is superstition, and there are people out there that are poz but they dare not tell anyone, but perhaps their family, I sometimes wonder when I am out shopping if I am standing in line with someone that is poz, you never know,
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blackpearl1974
 blackpearl1974
Joined: January 27, 2012
Posts: 1
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Posted: Post subject: |
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`I think after u know the relationship is going to get physical, it should be disclosed. Had it been disclosed to me, I wouldnt be in the shape I am. What makes it all so bad..........I asked him before we decided to stop using condoms. He boldly lied in my face. I wouldnt want to put no one thru that.
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true2me1970
 true2me1970
Joined: January 27, 2012
Posts: 1
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Posted: Post subject: Disclosure |
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I totally believe in being judged for who I am not what I have. I always let someone get to know me on a personal level but not --------. I like to tell if we decide to go to next level of intimacy. that way they go into it informed and not feeling betrayed. It doesn't always work out but who wants to be with someone close minded? Not I
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(deleted)
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Posted: Post subject: |
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`I everyone one.. I been around this sun a few times. And i know that most woman love to be respected and in control.. When she wants it, It so more intense. But that is me.. My pleasure is giving her pleasure
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