Who's going to love me now?

[(deleted)]

I don't want to come across as being desparate; I have lost someone who was dear to me. I lost him almost a year ago to AIDS. He was my man, my lover, and my best friend. My heart yearns for him, and I keep him close in my heart and mind. God has permitted him to watch over me; so now he's my guardian angel. I was so depressed and lonely to the point of asking God to take me with him, because I couldn't imaging going through this uninviting disease on my own. Well, I'm still battling with some overwhelming emotions. I have to say, I'm more functional now, and I can ,again, see a future for myself. If there is anybody that can relate or can give me some encouraging words, please feel obliged to do so.

112Jenetta

[lusious1970]

HI! your post just happen to catch my eyes and just a few words.Baby when i found out that i was positive trust me it was all she wrote,i got depress,isolated and withdrawn dew to the fact that i never had a s----l tranmitted disease only to find out i came out with a tornado.I then realize wow what i am going to do my baby daddy is dead so i i have no one to hate but myself,i am prepared to do that?welll i guess no i took a look at my babies and decided that i was going to live and be happy with the grace god,and here i am almost 13 years later more beautifull than ever i started loving myself,caring for myself and life is good.could be better with a husband which i am working on now.LOL [/i]

always hrer to talk!!!

[sexyseira]

You know I've been positive for a little over ten years now and I still struggle with my status. Self acceptance is something that I still haven't fully achieved although I must say that I'm in a much better place then I was five years ago. I try to remain grateful but I do have moments where I wonder how life would be if I were not positive. I still have difficulty disclosing my status in fear of being rejected and have opted to connect through sites like this where I can feel safe because most are on the same playing field.

I have to remember that the disease is NOT who I am, but what I live with. And although I'm saying that I don't always feel that way. I live with this disease everyday and some days are better than others.

It is comforting to read postings and know that I'm not alone even when I feel that I am.

[(deleted)]

WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS POS I THOUGHT MY WORLD HAD COME TO AN END.ME AND MY PARTNER FOUND OUT TOGETHER IT WAS HARD BUT WE MADE IT, BUT WHAT WAS HARDER WAS WHEN I LOST HIM TO CANCER NOT HIV/AIDS AT THE AGE OF 31,I AM NOW 13 YEARS STRONG AND LIFE HAS ITS UP AND DOWNS BUT THE DESEASE DON"T CONTROL YOU,YOU STILL NEED LIVE AND YOU STILL NEED TO LOVE YOU NEED TO MAKE THE BEST OUT AND NEVER LET LIFE PASS YOU BY AND LEAVE YOU WISHING.HOPE THIS HELPS.

[(deleted)]

Your post really touched my heart, because I had the same feeling when I learned of my status over 11 years ago. I felt like damaged goods...something no sane person would want, even at a substantial discount. As it stood, I was angry enough already with the realization that I had the dubious distinction of being a member of a club I had no aspirations of some day joining. To think that I would suffer rejection when seeking romantic love given that I was now positive was so incredibly hurtful...it was like someone tossing a new log into my fireplace and chanting, 'Burn baby, burn! Suffer!' Hardly a pleasant feeling or anything to smile about.

But...life moves on, angel, and I'm here to tell you that love WAS possible for me after all! I met and eventually settled in with a wonderful man two years after my dreadful discovery, and from that moment on, I've been on the road to emotional, mental and greater physical recovery. And though that relationship has morphed into the best platonic friendship I could ever have, it served as a beautiful lesson...that life and love do not cease simply because we develop a virus. There are still people out there who deem us worthy of loving, and being in love with, too! So take this to heart, whomever reads your post and my own. Remember, too, that the first step at finding love again is learning to love yourself in a greater way. When you do, you radiate this extraordinarily beautiful energy and vitality that attracts others to you. And, while all you attract may not be potential love interests, you'll certainly make some wonderful new friends who will accept and love you just as you are. This level of love is every bit as important as the intimate kind. Be happy, everyone, and God bless you always. :)

Drew

[jameshb]

.i am looking for someone too who can understand and can relate to your life

[vett8863]

`When I found out last July that I was positive, I was in shock and disbelief. My family is supportive and there for me and I love them even more for that. My problem is the rest of the world. I'm afraid to date. I feel like a monster and no man will ever want to be with me , more or less, love me. I stay to myself and hardl ever go out to socialize. I don't call my friends and I just stay to myself. It's hard for me.