Madlams, 51

I’m Nokuthula and I’m from S.A. I remember that day I tested positive. I felt like dying, I couldn't believe it. I felt like I had been hit by a train, my dreams shattered and that I was a disgrace to my family – the hardest pill to swallow.
I had no idea how to start telling my mother, it took me days to share my status with her. Her reaction was supportive, but I could see it pained her, although I could tell that she didn't want to blame me. I haven't told my kids because I felt they may think I am going to die or something. I cried when I was alone, I thought of suicide. But then I thought about it, I thought of the pain I would put my family, my kids and friends through.
The day that I disclosed to my mother was through text message, because I didn't have the strength to face her. I'm living in fear now, if my friends know about it, I may be the story of the town… but at the same time, I started praying to God to give me the strength. Also, I try to find something to keep me busy so that I may stay focused.
My advice to anyone reading this story is that being HIV positive is not a death sentence. You can live a healthy, happy life compared to any other ‘normal’ person, and you can plan your future. Keep telling yourself that you still have that golden dream. Keep your dreams alive