Radiantgloom, 49

I AM LOOKING FOR A FRIEND. THE REASON WHY IS BECAUSE 14 YRS AGO I MET A BLACK MAN WHICH I DATED 6 YRS KNOWING HE WAS AN ACOHOLIC I TRIED TO DRINK WITH HIM EVEN BEGAN SMOKING WEED FOR A WHILE TO HELP ME ENJOY HIM WHEN HE WAS DRUNK. HOWEVER HE WOULDN'T KEEP A JOB A LONG TIME. HE WOULD EITHER QUIT OR LOOSE IT DRUNK LAYING OUT OF WORK. SO I LEFT HIM FOR A YEAR. AND IN THAT YEAR I WAS TESTED FOR STDS AND FOUND OUT HE HAD GIVEN ME HIV UNKNOWINGLY BECAUSE HE HAD IT AND DIDN'T KNOW HE HAD IT. WELL I ALSO HEARD HE WAS USING CRACK AFTER I LEFT HIM WELL I THOUGHT BECAUSE OF ME TELLING HIM MY HIV STATUS THAT HE STARTED GIVING UP ON LIFE AND USING CRACK. SO I WENT AND TRIED TO RESCUE HIM ENDED UP HAVING 2 BEAUTIFUL KIDS A GIRL AND BOY BY HIM THAT WERE BORN NEGATIVE AGES NOW ARE 7 GIRL AND 5 MY SON . WELL HIS ADDICTION AND DRUG USE INCREASED AND I REALIZED HE HAD ALWAYS BEEN A CLOSET SMOKER WHEN I DATED HIM THOSE 6 YRS SO NOW I WAS LEFT FEELING LIABLE TO HELP HIM CONSIDERING HIS MOM AND DAD PASSED AWAY WHILE WE WERE DATING. AND HIS ONLY BROTHER MOVED AWAY. WELL NOW MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER MOVES WITH ME FROM A PREVIOUS 4 YR REALTIONSHIP AFTER BEING RASIED BY HER FATHERS MOM AND ITS ME AND THE 3 KIDS TEEN IS 15 NOW. I AM A CAPRICORN AND AM VERY HEAD STRONG AND I AM IN COLLEGE ONLINE FOR WEBDESIGN. I JUST HAD TO TAKE CHARGES OUT ON MY HUSBAND FOR ATTEMPTING TO TRY TO ASSAULT US WITH A STUN GUN TONIGHT AND I FEEL SO ALONE GOING THROUGH THIS BUT I AM TRYING TO STAY POSITIVE AND STRONG TO CONT SCHOOL. I LIVE IN A HOOD ENVIROMENT AND THERES A LITTLE MORE I CAN TALK ABOUT PRIVATELY IF YOU ARE EVEN INTERRESTED NOW...LOL.. YEAH I KNOW MY DESCRIPTION SOUNDS LIKE CRAP LOL SORRY BUT JUST KEEPIN IT ALL THE WAY REAL. I AM NOT AT ALL IN SHAPE BUT I AM PRETTY , I HAVE LONG NATURALLY CURRLY BROWN HAIR AND BROWN EYES A BIT OVER MY DESIRED WEIGHT BUT WITH SOME POSTIVE REINFORCEMENT I PLAN TO LOOSE IT JUST IN A SLUMP OF DEPRESSION NOW.. I DONT WANT TO DIE ALONE..WOULD LIKE A FRIENDS HAND TO HOLD. ERICA